Legal news, some illegal. All of it interesting
1. Witches Cast Spells, Lawyers Cast Confusion
With respect to any and all legal documents, hereinbefore or hereinafter, scientists at MIT may have figured out why they’re always written in such Byzantine, inflated language that would befit something transcribed with a large-feathered quill on parchment and nailed to yon cathedral door. Hear ye. Researchers say their study suggests that just like magic spells use rhymes and archaic terms to sound more witchy and powerful (spider legs and chicken blood also work), lawyers and lawmakers use convoluted legalese and insert long definitions in the middle of sentences, to make documents sound more official. Linguists say that while human language evolves toward efficient communication, law is the rare exception.
Whereas there’s more verbiage in witness thereof here…
2. Hot New Trend: Fashion War
Fast fashion war is breaking out among two of its biggest bargain retailers. Shein is suing rival Temu. The pinstriped lawsuit ($25) accuses Temu of several fashion don’ts, including “Mafia-style” intimidation tactics, stealing trade secrets and intellectual property, pretending to be Shein on X, and pricing items too low to make a profit. To make up the difference, Temu allegedly encourages sellers to infringe on others’ IP rights. Temu says maybe Shein should look in the $3 mirror. It’s Tartan wrapped ($8) in a bundle of its own IP lawsuits from Levi Strauss, H&M, Uniqlo, and several others. One could say Shein’s Temu suit is a not-so-cheap knock-off of those.
3. Geneva Gonna Believe It – Swiss Munitions in Lakes
Turns out, dumping munitions in lakes is not a safe way to dispose of them. But that’s what the Swiss military did for decades. Lake Lucerne hides some 3,300 tons. Neuchatel holds another 4,500 tons. Experts say these rounds risk exploding, plus they contaminate the water and soil. There’s no turning back the cuckoo clock and the governments never found an environmentally friendly solution. So, officials are now asking the public for ideas about what to fondue and they’re offering a cash prize for the three best solutions. Winners will share a pot of nearly $60K. People can submit their ideas until February – though there’s no plan to implement submitted entries.
4. Dump It: TSA’s 3-1-1 Rule Isn’t Taking off Soon
Aviation security officials said for years that an end to liquid restrictions in carry-on luggage is arriving soon. Well, they made us look anyway. Despite new CT scanners that determine whether liquids are dangerous – there aren’t nearly enough in place to allow for ending the rule – 3.4 ounces of liquid in containers placed in a single quart-sized bag. The TSA says it needs more than 2K CT machines to open the water bottle, sunscreen, and perfume floodgates. The ETA on that is 2042. Since pat-downs probably aren’t going anywhere either, you might heed Conan O’Brien’s sage advice: If an agent pats you down and says, “Now you do me!” Run.
Peanut butter & cucumber salad are liquids here…
5. Most Applicants at Tech Firm North Korean
Nearly 80 percent of a U.S. tech firm’s job applicants are probably North Korean. Cinder moderates content for companies. Because it’s fully remote and pays well, it attracts comrades of the Supreme Leader and Symbol of Strength, Kim Jong Un who want access to American networks and money. Cinder execs say there are telltale signs applicants answer to Dear Respected Banner of all Victory and Glory and maybe aren’t from Iowa. They don’t exist on the internet, barely speak English, know nothing about cities they supposedly worked in, and appear to be attending their video job interview in a room of other people also attending job interviews.
