Legal news, some illegal. All of it interesting
1. X-mas Tree Throwing Winner Loses Big in Court
An Ireland lassie apparently firgot she was disabled from a 2017 car accident when she entered a Christmas-tree throwing contest – and won. She sued the other driver’s insurance company seeking some $800K in damages, claiming she couldn’t work, play with her kids, or do basic chores without significant pain. When the Irish High Court saw photos of her throwing a “very large natural Christmas tree … in a very agile movement,” it dismissed her suit. She tried Dublin down, telling the court she wasn’t exaggerating her injuries – she was just trying to live a normal life despite the pine, we mean pain.
2. Yeezy Money – Donna Summer’s Estate Suing
Donner Summer’s estate accuses Kanye West and Ty Dolla Sign of using a sample of her song, “I Feel Love” without permission for a single on their new album. The lawsuit says Summer’s estate explicitly denied their request to sample the classic disco tune, but they used it anyway. Given West’s affinity for antisemitic rants, the family didn’t want any grand illusion of Summer being in any way associated with him or the album. She worked too hard for the money. The song appears to have been removed from streaming platforms, but not before it had 8M streams. Summer’s estate wants $150K for each act of copyright infringement. So far, the album’s been a top streamer on Spotify.
3. New (See-thru) Uniforms Chafe MLBPA
The launch of the 2024 MLB season included a rollout of new Nike uniforms in time for Spring Training. They’re guaranteed to be cooler, more breathable, durable – the whole package. Except players and everyone who’s seen them say you can see a player’s whole package. Yep, they’re see through. Enough players have called foul that the Players Union president is taking it up with the league, saying in a quote for the ages, “Universal concern is the pant.” MLB officials say the not-so-hot pants are just as thick as previous uniforms and most players like the new lewk. We’re guessing those players don’t use the internet.
4. Mafia Tries Communion With Priest – the Deadly Kind
As a priest in southern Italy prepared evening mass, he consecrated a chalice of vino and prepared to sip. That’s when he realized – badda bing – the local mafia was trying to make him an offer he couldn’t refuse. The wine smelled like bleach and lab tests confirmed that’s what it contained. The priest had not gone to the mafia family with respect or offered his friendship. In fact, he criticizes them regularly and is regularly offered chances to sleep with the fishes. Take the gun, leave the cannoli, now he’s got a polizia escort. But he’s not unique. It’s fairly common for Italy’s priests to need police protection from mafiosi.
5. Twos Too Much for Olympic Siene Swims?
Paris plans to holdswimming events in theSeine when it hosts the 2025 Olympic Games. The scenery’s belle but mon dieu, whenever rain falls, les feces levels go off les charts. Open-water swimming’s been banned in the Siene since 1923. After scoring their bid to host the Games, French authorities invested $1.5B in heavy-doodie cleanup projects to make it swimmable. But torrential rain, which sweeps debris and wastewater into the river, has a caca-clysimic impact on fecal levels. Last August officials had to cancel several test swimming events because of Pepe le Poo. Leaders blamed sample problems and say all’s good. But doubters worry that’s a pile of excrément.
