Legal news, some illegal. All of it interesting
1. Dragon Ball Zoiks! Woman Sues Over Spicy Dish
Pro tip: If you don’t “tolerate” spicy foods, maybe don’t order the “spicy” Dragon Balls at a Thai restaurant – as in Fire Breathing, Flame-Shooting Creatures of Lore Balls. It’s advice too late for a California neurologist who claims the restaurant’s great balls o’fire scorched her throat and only $35K can heal her. Thai chilis rate hotter than cayenne peppers but cooler than habaneros and aren’t associated with permanent tissue damage. Even so, the woman cries, “conspicy” alleging that she ordered less peppers in her Dragon balls, but a new employee added extra. The restaurant says – Eye Balls rolling to Canada – there’s no reducing peppers. The chilis are inside the balls.
2. Screamingly Bad Idea Gets Attys in Hot Water
Two lawyers in Philadelphia left a judge shaking his head at what he called their deeply disturbing lack of judgment. He should know, he’s a judge. The lawyers represent a man who is suing the city. Police shot him while trying to arrest him and he spent 19 years in prison before his conviction was vacated. His lawsuit hinges on whether he could hear screams from two blocks away. So, our legal eagles set up a loudspeaker at predawn near row homes and a daycare center and blared recorded screaming for an hour. What in The Purge? The judge ordered the scream team to apologize to neighbors in writing and in person.
3. Abot That Expert Witness? Judge Irked
An expert witness (in power-saving mode?) used a chatbot to estimate damages in a real estate dispute. He was supposed to calculate the amount owed to the plaintiff if the property had been sold years before. But Trust and Estates are more his jam, not real estate, so he used Copilot to crunch the numbers. The New York judge nearly short-circuited, especially because the witness couldn’t say what prompts he used or explain how Copilot worked. This prompted the judge to try Copilot, but he never got it to generate the same numbers. And when he asked Copilot if its responses were accurate enough to be cited in court. It said no.
You kiss your motherboard with that face, here…
4. Sellers of Pure Drugs Challenge Charges
Two Canadian “activists” accused of trafficking illegal drugs, say the charges should be dropped because they were providing addicts “pure stuff” which is core part of an addict’s right to life and liberty. Since many overdose deaths occur after ingesting tainted products, they claim drug addicts have a right to access clean drugs, which is what their Drug User Liberation Front provided: pure cocaine, meth, and heroin. They claim Canada’s drug laws are unconstitutional because drug addiction is a disability and if you need to snort, shoot up, smoke, or whatever, it should be with good stuff. Yeah, we’re not following this either.
5. Aw Nuts! Or Are They? Nutty Cheating Scandal
Cheating allegations are rocking the UK’s annual World Conker Championships. The game, the most British thing ever, involves two people knocking each other’s chestnuts until one breaks. (So many jokes we’re not touching here.) Some wannabe-world-conkerers say the men’s champion cheated. He’s 82 and King Conker – meaning he preps conkers for competition. They found it nutters his conker smashed theirs in a single hit. Then blymey, if King Conker didn’t turn out to have metal conker in his pocket. The champ says it’s a humorous prop he carries to ‘ave a laugh. Officials say they’re confident he didn’t use it. BTW, the prize for winning? A trophy and a tea towel. Can this get any more British?
